Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
