I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
