Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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