yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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