I wanna passion pit in your ass
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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