bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
