I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize