He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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