U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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