We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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