This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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