would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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