i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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