I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
