Whod you bang
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
