So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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