My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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