She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
