My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
