If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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