Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
