I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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