Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
