I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
