im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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