Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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