we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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