Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
