Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
