apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
