dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
