I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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