I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
