that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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