hotel room ftw
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
