Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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