Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am naked and annoyed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did i just pee glitter
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
