Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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