Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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