uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
