I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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