Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
