I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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