I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
