i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
