you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is the high leading the old right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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