fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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