? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
