I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize