Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
