His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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