Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
