Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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