Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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