If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
