There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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