made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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