Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
