You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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