I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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