I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was born a porn star she said
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
