Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
