I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
