i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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