is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You took a bar mat shot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
