and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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