it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
