I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
