No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
