i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize