What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
